I'm gonna have a badass scar
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
