she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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