I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
