the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
