I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
