I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
