she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
