Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
