u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize