AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
