Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
