I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
