when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
