i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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