I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
