Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
