i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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