It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
