this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
