what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
