You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
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could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
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That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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