Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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