just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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