I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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