I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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