I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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