someone threw a dead crab at me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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