i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you had me at cake vodka
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
