Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
