i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
