Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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