so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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