How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
