Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Your penis caused this!
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