honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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