No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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