i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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