I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
