For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
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Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
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I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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