Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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