Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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