happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize