I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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