I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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