I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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