The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
