Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
