Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
