I just saw a hot homeless man
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
