there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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