tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
