At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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