'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
