i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
