i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
