you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
