16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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