we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
