How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
